March 2019 - More health problems, disability update

I'm sorry to be negative but my life is so miserable. I try to be a positive person and make the best of things but I just can't catch a break. The last few months have been horrible and I finally got a date for my disability appeal and but it looks like the judge that was assigned has a record of approving fewer request then the state and national average. By nearly 10%. I'm sure he will look at me, my education, and my age and just make a decision there. I'm under 50 and used to be intelligent. Now I can't keep my thoughts straight half the time, my memory is garbage, I barely have relationships left with anyone, and spend my life miserable laying in bed. I had everything going for me before and I was on such a positive upward trajectory in my career and then the original injury happened in 2010 and you can pretty much see just from my resume that my work and career hit the toilet. Believe me, I would much rather be able to do any kind of work and add value to the world if I could. That's enough of me feeling sorry for myself as there are people out there that suffer a lot wo then I am. Unless, of course, my disability gets denied and I end up homeless laying on the ground somewhere.

As far as what's happened the last couple months, I ended up having an infection from the surgery and the wound wouldn't close but after antibiotics and such, it finally did. I started getting infusions again from a local clinic because it is less expensive but still beyond what I can really afford. On top of that, they don't use versed so they are unable to actually achieve a high enough dosage of ketamine to be helpful. The other option is to go through my pain clinic where they can do that however they refused to prescribed the nasal ketamine spray. There's just no winning.

I'm not sure if my body is shutting down or all the side effects from the medications are growing too severe but I ended up in the emergency room twice due to insanely bad stomach pain and again, compliments of people that abused opiates, the emergency room wouldn't even show the compassion to make me comfortable. They did the absolute basics with a blood test and kicked me out the door. I felt like I was going to die. We ended up doing all sorts of tests and everything came back negative so who knows. This month, my problems are more related to prostatitis or my urinary system and some sort because it feels like I have a UTI but also have terrible cold sweats and all I can do is lay in a ball in my bed. That part is nothing really new but it's just more misery in addition to my feet. This is also setting off the coccydynia which is the horrible aching pain in my tailbone.

Hopefully things get better and I can at least try to distract myself with TV or something.

With all my posts, please disregard typos or words that come across weird because I use voice to text. I do my best reviewing everything before I post but it all takes so long. I do hope the information is helpful for others as they make their decisions regarding surgery and such. Best of luck.

Here's how my feet look today. You can see how bad my toes are clawing on my right foot.